Talk to yourself like you’re worth it

By Kay Wagner, LMP CPT | Nov 03, 2010

“If you talked to your friends the way you talk to yourself, how many friends would you have?”  This question from a friend stopped me in my tracks.  It stopped my mental attack on myself.  For a blissful moment, the inner critic shut up.

Self talk.  We all do it.  We run harsh words and messages over and over, day after day.  Fortunately, our years of negative mental training can be reversed.

Creating a positive mental environment is like having a safe, comfortable, happy home to live in.  Luckily, we can choose how we condition and direct our minds by choosing the language, the words.  

 “Your Body Believes Every Word You Say” by Barbara Levine, has the perfect title.  Are you saying, “I’m healthy, I’m energetic and beautiful?”  How does that compare to, “I’m fat, tired and look awful?”  

Positive self talk is fun and exhilarating.  It lifts you up. With it, you can cross the bridge from, “poor me, life sucks, there’s never enough (love, money or time),” to “I’m glad to be alive, my life is filled with miracles and there’s always enough for me.”

You are the only thinker in your mind and what we focus on increases.  Change your experiences by changing your focus.  I learned this valuable lesson the hard way.

Ten years ago, I was a drama queen, a magnet for bad luck, a poster child for Murphy’s Law.  I felt trapped with car problems, a sick daughter, leaking roof, a broken heart and smashed ego. The night the rats came into my kitchen, I made a choice.  I deserved better.  Period.  No more feeding the bad luck.

I began to follow this life-changing advice from my brother-in-law.  “Pay attention to what’s working in your life.”

I forced myself to look for what was working.  I admitted that I had good health and was close to my family.  And, really, those were the two most important things anyway.  I re-trained my mind to look for and talk about good.

Changing my focus was scary.  It was more fun to complain and tell my hard luck story.  I got a lot of sympathy and a lot of laughs.  And a lot more bad luck.

So I shut up.  No more dwelling on the latest catastrophe.  I stood guard at the door of my mind.  And the power began to recede from the trauma.  

When I washed my hair, instead of worrying how I’d pay the bills, I would think, “I choose heavenly thoughts.”  Those thoughts were far more fun than wondering if the car would start.

Gradually my “luck” changed.  Miracles happened.  I was blessed with a lovely new home. (Rodent free!)  My daughter healed and so did my heart.

When I slipped back into self-defeating inner dialogue I would tell myself, “Those old ways didn’t work, and now I’m choosing a new way to live.  I’m taking care of myself.  I’m proud of myself.  I’m talented and resourceful.”

Now when I fall into a slump, I notice that I’m not being kind to myself with words.  The inner critic is back in charge.  

At these times I’m learning to ask myself questions like, “What’s going on?  What do you need?”  Or I take a strong, protective stance and say clearly, “That is old thinking.  I deserve success and good things in life.”  

It also helps to replay the encouraging voices of friends.  When my friend Sally heard I was sending manuscripts to publishers, she was enthusiastic.  “Good girl!  You GO GIRL!”  

I use her words as a mantra to replace self-doubt. “You go girl!  Good for you.  I know you can do it!”

The Bible says, “As a man thinketh, so he doith.” 2,500 years ago, Buddha said, “You are what you think.”

Do you talk to yourself like a guest or a slave?  Listen to your words.  Choose friendly self-talk to create a more a positive, supportive relationship with yourself.   Let the miracles begin!

Kay Wagner LMP & NASM Certified Personal Trainer, specializes in BABYBOOMERS, leading Yoga, Pilates, Free weights and Fit-ball.  Her studios overlook the mountains and water, at 828 2nd St. in Mukilteo. Please call 425-353-4545. Or go online to


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