Letter: A slightly skewed history of the Federal Reserve

Jan 03, 2018

Once upon a time a couple of expert printers amused themselves printing counterfeit money in their garages after work. They realized once they showed their wares they could face arrest or land a print job with the government. They succeeded spectacularly by obtaining the US money printing MONOPOLY!

Positive thinking accomplishes wonders for those who earnestly try!

They call themselves "Federal Reserve" since "Private Reserve" sounds too much like a distillery.

It is claimed "the fed" creates money out of thin air.

What a stupid rumor!

Thick or thin-- air is present during the process but the product itself derives strictly from finely ground Douglas fir pulp!

A fully-grown Douglas yields enormous stacks of money, some of which gain instant and vastly increased value within the higher denominations by adding zeros.

Like their lucky forefathers our present Federal Reserve printer/shareholders avoid public scrutiny with great determination.

I have yet to find WHO or WHERE they are. Maybe underground? Even Infernal Revenue seems to have lost track.

But one can't help noticing their presence because during the 2010 fiscal year, for example, U.S. citizens contributed $3 billion in interest payments alone at 6 percent. That’s down from the previous 8.3 percent for loaning us their admitted splendid looking forest derivatives.

These workaholics could begin showing modesty and moderation are the opinions of critics.

They ought to take up fishing and golfing full time and return--reluctantly, I presume -- the money printing business to the government where the constitution says it belongs. Maybe start printing telephone directories whenever they get bored. In fact the federal government could "occupy the fed" lock stock and printer and likely evaporate a major part of that enormous national debt in the twinkling of an eye.

A tip to our trusted Internal Revenue agents: When that column of armored cars move by low estimate $3 billion once a year from the Treasury, follow right behind, then write down the address where those back tax evaders unload or the exact coordinates of any possible tunnel entrance.

Good luck!

 

Gunnar Unneland

Edmonds

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