Letter: Rewrite your idioms, for sensitivity’s sake

Feb 01, 2017

I recently read a letter to the editor (“Sports story insensitive to shooting victims,” Jan. 25) concerning a news report on the basketball team in your town and objecting to the use of “live or die by the 3-pointer,” among other things, and expressing great umbrage toward the use of this term, apparently due to an instance of gun violence.

Whoa. To use a sports phrase and relate it to gun violence and imply that the author of that phrase is insensitive and sub-adult is just a little bit far out in left field – maybe I shouldn't use right or left as it might be misconstrued, but I will – don't you think?

If this is the true feeling of the town, and the publishers and editors of this periodical, I suggest some other actions to change things so as not to be so “insensitive.”

First, the “shot-put” event in track and field competition should be removed and replaced with “heavy, spherical metal-ball throw competition with distinct rules concerning the proper form of launch.”

Second, one should no longer be able to go to a bar, restaurant or club – country, private or fraternal – and order a “shot and a beer.” It should now be referred to as a “small, measured amount of spirits in a tiny, single drink glass with a beer chaser.”

Third, the phrase “a shot in the dark” must be replaced with “an uneducated wild guess at a chance of probability or outcome.”

Fourth, and finally, John Belushi's immortal line in “Animal House,” spoken as “14 years of college shot to hell,” must be overdubbed to “14 years of college gone to seed,” and the title “To Live and Die in L.A." must be changed to “To Be or Not To Be in LA.”

If I was mistaken in my interpretation of the letter and it was actually sarcasm, my profound apologies. If not, I would suggest that whoever posted that ridiculous opinion also champion the four changes I suggest so that they can make themselves feel better. That, a little Play-Doh, some Legos, some sandbox time and blowing bubbles should do nicely.


Jack Bigelow
Bethlehem, Pennsylvania
Comments (1)
Posted by: Fred Taylor | Feb 02, 2017 18:10

Excellent letter, Jack! It'll probably go over a lot of peoples' heads, though.

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